ARCHIVED ARTICLE

March 13, 2002 - DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE



Well done
No, I'm not referring to UCLA's sub-par season in men's basketball. I'm not referring to Steve Lavin's job as head coach in Westwood's pressure cooker of a program. I'm certainly not talking about freshman point guard Cedric Bozeman's (in)ability to hold on to the ball. I'm just letting everyone know how I like my crow prepared, as it's become a perennial dish for me come March... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Each and every year, I fill out my bracket and end up putting my Bruins in that dead-center spot marked "National Champions." Each and every year (but one), I've been wrong. With the advent of having my own web site as part of the public record, I'm now going on said record with my delusion, and in the words of Tom Petty, I won't back down. Even if it doesn't happen, I'm not taking this page down. I'm not archiving it somewhere that no one will find. I will proudly stand by my ludicrous assumption that UCLA has history on its side.

Because I'm a fan
Unlike most "fans" of LA teams, I am not what you'd call fairweather. Truth be told, the weather hasn't been fair in Pauley Pavillion in seven years now. So well before that fateful cutting-down-of-the-nets in 1995, and for every year after, I've been calling for a Bruin championship in the NCAA tournament, against all odds, pundits and reason. Why? I'm a real fan.

Sure, I don't attend many games. I don't own much UCLA apparel. It took me 2 hours and a search on the internet to remember Jelani McCoy's name last week. But make no mistake, I'm a near-obsessive lunatic of the worst kind - a true believer.

It would be impossible (and heart-breaking) for me not to fill out any March Madness bracket without UCLA going all the way. More reasonable, perhaps, but impossible. It doesn't matter that there's a trip to Cancun at stake. $10 million from Kinko's. $1 million from Samuel Adams. I'll bet on college sports, alright; but you'll never see me bet against my team. I spent much of the 1995 championship run in Vegas, catching every game I could in the sports books while sipping fancy drinks and throwing down beers. Not once - despite higher payoffs going the other way - did I bet against my boys. (Fringe benefit of sticking with the Bruins - some mob-looking guys at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse bought me a $200 bottle of wine because my team won them ridiculous amounts of money.)

Beyond the betting thing, it's a family thing. Every single Bruin is like extended family. From Reggie Miller to Jim Morrison to Heather Locklear to the benchwarming kid who lookes like he has Downes syndrome and averages 14 seconds a game. We share a kinship that, well, they probably don't know about. I used to eat breakfast with members of the '95 squad when they were dorm-dwellers in '92. I had a conversation with Coach Harrick (now at Georgia) one night over some Diet Coke. Hell, Steve Lavin lived upstairs from me and my buddy's first apartment in Westwood. How can I not internalize all this? How could I not go to bat for these guys every time the occasion calls for it?

Heart over mind
I'm a rational person. In fact, having worked mostly in the high-tech field, work has called on me to be rational and logical all too often. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I have to lose my rationality in other aspects of life. Like art. Music. Love. Basketball.

I can see truth and logic from a multitude of angles. This year, it says flat out - "UCLA is a mediocre team. Sweet Sixteen material at best, but don't be surprised by a first-round exit." And I acknowledge that. But it doesn't mean it has to stick. My love for the team provides me with this uncanny ability to ignore such realities and root and holler and high-five along with every basket, every steal, and every drawn charge that will occur between now and the final game in Atlanta.

It's easy to shrug off losses when you expect your team to lose. It's a lot easier to fill in a bracket with all the teams that are supposed to win. But what's the fun in that? My emotional involvement in March Madness makes me ilve the tournament, not only watch it. Certainly, that's not very healthy, as anyone who's been in a serious relationship with me (and subsequently ignored for not getting into it) around this time of year can attest - but we all have to have our indulgences.

Why we'll win
Obviously, I can be the biggest fan in the world and believe all I want, but that's not going to win any games. Hell, there's probably some Iona alum out there who has Gaels clothing down to the underwear - he's sitting out there hoping and praying and willing and trying to bend reality so that a handful of teams get disqualified and Iona will go back into the field of 65 and win it all. As touching (or disturbing) as that thought may be, that doesn't win championships. (According to every armchair quarterback, defense does... but that's for another season.)

It's called raw talent. UCLA just has to exploit it. At 6'6", Cedric Bozeman is among the most imposing point guards in the nation. He's had the proverbial "flashes of brilliance," and if he can hang on to those flashes, he's sensational. His backup, redshirt freshman Ryan Walcott, plays with so much intensity at times, it seems as though he's a fifth year senior... Like Rico Hines, who defines the word hustle. Or Matt Barnes, who seems to personify the terms "slasher" and "overcoming adversity." And then there's Dan Gadzuric, who - when he's on his game - is among the best post-men in the continent. Or Jason Kapono, who not only is a gourmet chef in his spare time (according to a recent LA Times article), but knows a thing or two about dishes - and swishes - on the court. Fellow sharpshooter Billy Knight is just as deadly. If these individuals can somehow find the chemistry to put these talents to use as a team, the West region will be asking, "Cinci-who?"

The West region seems to be the ideal place for UCLA to make it's suprising (to everyone else) run to Atlanta. If the Bruins can make it past equally lop-sided Ole Miss and make quick work of Cincinatti, then potentially they have Miami, Mizzou or Ohio State guarding the gates to the Elite Eight. And when (not if) they go that far, they'll have the momentum it'll take to put some scissors to the nylon in the Georgia Dome.

In the year that UCLA finished its worst ever in terms of Pac-10 standings and among its worst seeding in the NCAA tournament, the boys in blue have knocked off one of each top seed in the tournament. Kansas is a one seed. Alabama is a two. Arizona is a three. USC is a four. All have fallen to the mighty Bruins. Who's to say that others will not?

And don't tell me Duke will stand in the way
Duke this, Duke that. I'm so sick of Duke, it's quite apt that our nickname for the Poo Devils is "Puke." This isn't jealousy speaking - UCLA has no reason to be jealous of Duke. We're the team with eleven banners hanging from the rafters, after all.

That's right. This is the part that puts the "diss" in "discussion." I'll come out and say it now. (Once again, I wouldn't be surprised by a helping of crow or two in the very near future.) Puke's chances of repeating as national champions are about as small as Coach K's mouth. (What is that thing, like a half inch wide?)

The Poo Devils are excellent, but they play in a top-heavy conference. While it's a very good top-heavy conference, the ACC is no Pac-10 or SEC. Hell, even the Big XII is more balanced and talented overall than the ACC this year. With mongoloid North Carolina (referring to Kris Lang and fellow baby blue mutants) as a no-show this year, the ACC was even more unbalanced than usual.

Alas, everyone still finds it necessary to fellate Coach K and his crew on a regular basis. I'm sure Mrs. K is insanely jealous. The fact of the matter is that they are not the best team in the field. And as much as it breaks my heart to say this, Kansas is. That's righty, Kansy-ass. Statistically speaking, Kansas is better than Duke. And the Bruins smoked the Jayhawks.

Speaking of number one seeds... I have a sneaking suspicion that Coach Bob Huggins of Cincinatti learned a thing or two from Kansas' Roy Williams. At least, in regards to consistently choking in the tournament...

One last diss before I go and pre-heat the oven for that delectable crow-tisserie. We won't be seeing any Pacific Northwest teams in the Final Four games in Atlanta. Why? Because people with hair like Dan Dickau (Gonzaga), Luke Ridnour and Luke Jackson (Oregon) get called "faget" and have the living tar beaten out of them in the Ol' South.

Your not-so gracious host lost his mind roughly 10 years ago after attending his first UCLA sporting event. Currently, he wears his hair like Dan Dickau, Luke Ridnour, and Luke Jackson.